i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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