She is in my trunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can I color on your dick again?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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