I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she looked like the before picture.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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