Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
