I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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