how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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