YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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