I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
