My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
