she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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