fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
