I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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