I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I party with great urgency now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
