apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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