you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
