i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
