R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
