I want to walk on stilts...naked
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
