So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
