new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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