This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
