i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
