So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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