apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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