Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
