They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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