Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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