tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
