Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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