words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
