Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need water and some morals
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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