I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
