FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
