she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
