If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
