i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
