I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
