Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
