Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
