sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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