i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
