am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
