And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
