NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
