Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
