Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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