it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
