You can't special order awesome
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
