she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
