There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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