I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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