Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
