Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
