I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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