Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
