Please don't use social media to get back at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
