The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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