Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
