Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
