Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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