my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
