And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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