you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize