Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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