5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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