Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
