quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
