why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
